January 2011
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What does Tom Cruise, Zac Galifinakis and John Travolta have in common? They all have beards.
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Zac Efron's Beard
Turns out Zac Efron finally hit puberty and grew a beard. Congrats. I haven’t seen a woman with that much facial hair since my grandmother.
The Black Swan
People keep on going on about how good ‘The Black Swan’ is. Yeah it was good. But the lasting impression it made on me was that Natalie Portman needed a burger, STAT! I mean, you could play the xylophone with those ribs.
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“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you...”
– Mark Twain
HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY!
thesocialcode:
An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to...
Professor: You are a Christian, aren’t you, son?
Student: Yes, sir.
Professor: So, you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Professor: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Professor: My brother died of cancer, even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn’t. How is God good, then? Hmm?
(Student was silent)
Professor: You can’t answer, can you? Let’s start again, young fella. Is God good?
Student: Yes.
Professor: Is Satan good?
Student: No.
Professor: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From.. God.
Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.
Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.
Professor: So who created evil?
(Student didn’t answer)
Professor: Is there sickness? Immortality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?
Student: Yes, sir.
Professor: So, who created them?
(Student had no answer)
Professor: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son.. have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.
Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your God.
Student: No, sir.
Professor: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God, for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.
Professor: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, Science says your God doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my Faith.
Professor: Yes, Faith. And that is the problem Science has.
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
Professor: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as Cold?
Professor: Yes.
Student: No, sir, there isn’t.
(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events)
Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of Heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There was a pon-drop silence in the Lecture Theatre)
Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?
Student: You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light… But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and it’s called Darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, You would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?
Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is, your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Professor: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Professor: If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?
(The class was in uproar)
Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?
(The class broke out into laughter)
Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? .. No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable and Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures?
(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable)
Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student: That is it, sir.. exactly! The link between man and God is Faith. That is all that keeps things alive and moving!
----------------------------------------------------
That student was Albert Einstein.
what a badass.
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“I’m one of the most considerate people in real life. Maybe over...”
– Kanye West; the confucius of our generation.
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Don't text and walk? I think the real message of... →
Woman to sue over youtube fountain fall while she was texting on her phone. I don’t mean to be a racist, but first thing that comes to mind is; “Only in America”.
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Bad joke of the day
what do you call an indie/alternative/hipster iPod? A tripod.
Currently browsing online for shoes with heels tall enough for lady gaga/tom cruise and expensive enough to feed a small african villiage; it’s good to see i have my priorities in order.
fuckyeahdementia:
“You know you’re not loved when both your siblings go away and when I ask...”
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“I don’t want to listen to fm radio in case it gets stuck on that station...”
– my borderline senile 78 year old grandfather
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“Congratulations to Victoria Beckham, who’s pregnant with her fourth child!...”
– Joan Rivers
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“Just watched the jersey shore and I think it made me stupider…”
we all long eventually how hard life can be. sometimes i just wish i wasn’t those people that learned it so young. all i can do is keep in mind is that i’m much luckier in areas than others. So right now i’m going to try and find something to make me laugh and get through this shitty moment. One of the few good things about being an adult is that you’re happiness and...